Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Learning How to Write.

A photo of my Grandma around my age. Wasn't she beautiful?

I have such a hard time actually writing what I'm feeling on this blog. It's not that I can't write about such things. I keep a journal and write in it almost daily, but for some reason I hold back so much I'd like for all of you to know. Perhaps it's because I feel a fear of sharing too much, or even worse, you not wanting to hear what I have to say. I've decided to get over it, and write, and we'll see what happens.

Life on the farm is a bit stagnant. This time of year gives me a slight case of the blahs. Spring is my favorite season, the warmer days, the greening of things, all the baby livestock, it doesn't get much better, so I get a bit anxious in waiting for that time of the year to get here again.

My grandpa's birthday is today; he's eighty-one years old. My husband, Mike, Joelee, and I went up to see him on Sunday, and I hate to say it, but Alzheimers has changed him so very much. He's just a shell of what used to be my grandpa. It's really hard to visit, he's so quiet anymore, and that's the one thing my grandpa never was. He used to know it all, and could keep you entertained with stories for hours. The bright side is that he does know who Joelee is and he fawns over her whenever she's around, and I can't ask for anything more than that.

While we were there, my dad gave me an awesome present. A box of slides that my grandma and her family had taken in the late fifties. Hence the photo from above. I never thought I really resembled her until I saw this particular photograph. The smirky smile has traces of me all over it. I'm really excited to find all these glimpses into her life when she was my age, you know? She looked so strong, and happy, and she's such an inspiration to me. You see, she died when I was about nine, and she was sick a lot of those nine years of my life. I have a hard time remembering what she was really like. Honestly, Ma Kettle, and a few other strong-roled, funny actresses make up a majority of what I've lumped together as what my grandma was like.

I've been slowly scanning the slides onto my computer, along with a huge batch of negatives from my numerous years of using film photography. I'm expanding my shop and I've started using a professional printer, in readying for my next big venture which is getting out there and selling my work at markets, festivals, and bazaars. So far, this year is turning out to be incredible. My optimism is through the roof.

There I think that's a good start at opening up. Maybe tomorrow I'll share a few facts about me, and some talk about my garden plans...I'm sure you'll be just sitting at your computer waiting for me to put the post up...ha.

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